so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
