I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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