whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
