One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
