Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
