Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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