alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
