Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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