I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
