it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
