I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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