guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
