All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize