We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
