I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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