Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Houston, we have a squirter
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
