the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize