look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
