the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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