so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize