Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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