I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize