i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
