You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
