I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
