we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
