He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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