Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
