Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
