i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
