in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
