No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
