I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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