Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize