went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
