he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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