you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
