I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
