Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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