After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
