I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
