i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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