My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
