rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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