my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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