Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize