I faked an abortion last night.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
