Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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