tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just had sex bonerless
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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