the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
