Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
