Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
