I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
