Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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