that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize