You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize