i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
