just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
