So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
