Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
