How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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