I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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