this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
