I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
