I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
