Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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