I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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