gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
