I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
only you would photoshop your dick
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize