how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
