Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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