I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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