You made me cry and you don't even care
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
