you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
