I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize