I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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