It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
