I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
